It's stalker season...

Today marks the opening of Stalker Season.  How do I know?  I've already been targeted.

Let me make this clear that this post is not against any religion, in any way.  My stalker is a specific faith, and that plays a part in this, but I've many other friends that practice this same faith that are perfectly human.

It all began over a year ago.  The first time my stalker came to the door, I was polite.  When it was requested that I set up a study session, I politely declined.  I explained that I have a special needs child and I'm on call nonstop.  Setting up such a thing simply does not work for my schedule.

Throughout the remaining months, my stalker would randomly pop up on my doorstep, peeking in the windows to see if I was available. For some reason, she has decided that saving my soul is her ultimate goal in life.  Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that she's so concerned about my soul's welfare.

To my dear assistant that was stuck answering the door while I hid, I apologize.  This morning she said to tell you 'Hi'.

What finally put an end to this, I thought, was when my stalker showed up one particular evening.  The following is what ensued:

I'm reading while my little guy is in the shower.  My heart sinks as I realize she is there and I don't have time to escape.
"Hello."
"Hello!  I see you aren't doing anything!  Now must be a good time for us to talk!"
There's a book in my hand, Psycho.  You do not exist, Peasant.  But what I actually said was,
"My son is in the shower and should be getting out any minute.  I really don't have time right now."
At this point, she gives me the look that says she thinks I'm inventing my son, like he's an invisible friend and I need serious therapy.
"But this is important!  Look  here!"
"My son is important."
At that point, my awesome child comes bursting through the doorway, as naked as the day is long, and streaming water everywhere.  The look on my stalker's face almost made all of those months worthwhile.  Almost.  It was...phenomenal!  Go kid!

I haven't seen my stalker since then.  I assume the season was over and I was off the hook.  Evidently, she renewed her license.  This morning she popped up again.  With a hasty 'I'M NOT HERE!' tossed in the direction of the kids, I ran out of the room.  I'm  not sure how to get out of this one.

*Written from the safety of the locked upstairs bathroom

Navigating Indieworld by Carole P. Roman and Julie A. Gerber

Before I get in to my review of the book, I want to share something personal with you.  Most of you know that I have a special needs child and that rules most of my life.  During rough patches, Literary Litter has to close down.  Child first.  Work second.  There have been many times over the years that I've determined that I just can't do both.  Every time I've had to close down Litter during a rough patch, I've had to think long and hard before re-opening it.  The deciding factor for me, every time, has been Carole P. Roman.  I'm sure she doesn't even realize it, but she's been a true encouragement and inspiration to me.  Every time I feel like I can't do it, she give me the nudge I need to realize that I NEED to do it because it brings me joy.  Thank you, Carole.

Now, what does that have to do with the book?  Everything!  I know nothing about Julie Gerber, but I do know that Carole has learned everything in the book business the long and hard way.  The entire reason for this book is so that you, as a beginning writer, don't have to.

Every step you need to take from conception to marketing is in this book.  Some of these steps have alternate routes you can take, and they've all been covered.  It's a quick skim, but the way the book is set up, you can easily go back and find the part that you need to work on in order to read more.  Consider it a reference book.

There are lots of books out there on how to self-publish, but what sets this one apart is the multitude of resources that are just handed to you.  The research and work has been done for you!  All you have to do is go step by step (or start at the step you're on) and follow the suggestions or send e-mails to suggested possible contacts.

Since the book is based off of personal experience, you'll get a lot of personal 'stories' in the book.  Instead of just being a how-to book, it gives you a real connection with the authors and let's you see that they've really been there.  They know their stuff.

If you're dreaming of being a writer, or a struggling writer.  I strongly suggest reading this one.  If you're a seasoned writer, then you already know there's no such thing as too many contacts or too much aid.  However, this book is really written for anyone in the book industry, not just the authors.  As a reviewer, I found many resources that I'll be using in the future.  Even just having more of an understanding of what an Indie author goes through is helpful.

War God Rising by Tim Marquitz

I've been following Tim on social media for some time.  He's just...a unique personality that brings realness and joy.  Because I love his personality, I was pretty sure I'd love his books.  Wednesday, I grabbed a few to check them out.

I started with War God Rising, because how could I not?!  With a book cover like that and promising humor?!  It's right up my alley!

So..I really want to skip writing a review and just tell you that if you haven't had your funny bone removed, just stop reading here and go buy the book.  Seriously.  It's one of those books that you HAVE to share with others.  I've already sent gift copies.  If it becomes available in hard copy, I will be ordering a few.  I need one for the office library and it's a great gift idea.  What's better than giving someone action, adventure, humor and lots of nasty smells?  Alright, I added that last one in for my little guy who is completely obsessed with stink feet right now.

It's easy to say something is funny, but let me illustrate just how funny it is.  Here I was, happily reading in the office, when suddenly I burst out with laughter so hard that my abdomen began to cramp up.  I'm talking Santa Claus belly laughs!  I disturbed the children on the other side of the house.  I had to get up and find somebody so that I could share what happened.  After they fell asleep, I had to start texting people to tell them what was so funny.  It's the kind of funny that you have to share because it's absolutely brilliant.

In between the funny, we have a wonderful adventure and unforgettable characters.  They're...captivating.  That's the word.  Captivating.  They're exquisitely created so that you immediately care about them and need them in your life.  If these were real people, I'd probably be staggering not sober every weekend.  They may not be real, but I love them and they're my friends now.

Marquitz really separates himself from the pack with this one.  In nearly every book that I've found humorous, the cause of the laughter is the dialogue.  It's easy to make people funny.  Alright, it's not easy.  Especially if you haven't had a lot of practice.  However, making people funny is way easier than making your story funny.  You know those great bits of the story that everyone skims over?  'Oh look...description of her running across a prairie...let's skim and get back to the action.'  Yes...that part.  You can't do that in this book!  The characters are hilarious(!) but the best parts of the book are hidden in those areas.  You HAVE to read the stuff you normally don't read because that's where the best stuff is!

I cannot believe that for less than $3, I was treated to such an experience as this.  There's still popcorn on my floor where I was attempting to eat while reading.  Silly me!  I can't imagine one single person out there being disappointed with exchanging one cup of Starbucks for this stellar read.

How I choose what I review

Authors send me books.  Publishers send me books.  Marketing companies send me books.  You get the picture.  They come from all over.  There's nothing better than free books!  Even the ones that you pick up and think 'well I'll read that when I have the flu' are exciting!

Every week, I buy books.  Even though I have zillions of them sent to me.  Why?  Because authors work so tirelessly creating them!  Let's assume I spent ten dollars to buy a book.  Do you have any clue how many hours an author has to put in to that?  Endless hours of thought, and writing, and rewriting, and rewriting, and rewriting, and throwing everything away and setting the house on fire and then starting over, and rewriting, and rewriting, and then editing, and then rewriting and rewriting.  They pour their souls into these works of art that we get.  Souls!  It's not like with moths where they chase you around and steal your soul, these writers take their souls and put them on pretty little china plates and have them inspected to make sure they're just right, and then hand them over to you with a smile!  Ten dollars is freakin' cheap!

But I digress!

Every week I buy books.  But how do I choose which books I want to buy??  I'd love to buy every book there is out there!  I would covet them and place them in a safe room where grubby little hands could never touch them and only loving eyes would cast their gaze upon them.  Some people adopt puppies.  We all need a hobby. Stop judging me.

I have a list of authors that are MUST BUYS.  These are the authors that have proven to me time and again that I am going to love whatever they have stuffed between the pages.  I don't even wait until Happy Wednesday Buying Day.  I keep a special fund just for these books.  Why?  Because I'm an addict!

I have several trusted 'advisors' that help me make up the list of 'REALLY SHOULD BUY'.  These are people who know what I enjoy reading and are wonderful at tossing suggestions at me.  I discover a lot of new authors this way.

The problem with new authors is that I just don't know them.  The way the industry is set up, either you're on Oprah or you're still working on word of mouth.  It's a dreadful thing!  So the third list of books I buy from is the 'HEY I LIKE YOU!  I HOPE YOU WRITE WITH YOUR PERSONALITY!' list.  These are books that I've never heard of and never read.  Somehow I've met the author or seen them post something and they really struck me.  Authors are a really impressive group of people.  They have to be with all that determination!  So, when I find someone that I just really like...someone I could hang out with and dump Slurpees on sidewalks with, well I want to read their book.  Most of the time, I've found if I like the author's personality, I'll love their writing.  Most of these people end up on the MUST BUY list.

So, if you're thinking of approaching me for a review, there's one question you have to ask yourself.  Do I like you?  Huh?  Do I?  LOL Probably :D

Giveaways!

On yesterday's giveaway list, Terminal Agent and Seeking Patience are still up for grabs.  If you haven't tried them yet, go for it!  The odds are tremendously great!

Here are a few more that should be finishing up any time!  Hopefully you win something great!  As usual, I'm adding the Amazon link just in case it's something you're interested in and you don't win!



Born into one of the poorest and most notorious families in the Arkansas Ozark Mountains, Jessica Louise Bell didn't want fo' much aside from a full belly and enough learin' to be able to read the old family bible. That her folks kept her holed up in their remote ramshackle cabin made her no mind. That they left the 7 year-old alone all hours a the day 'n sometimes into the night, made her no mind either. 

In fact, Jessibel right liked it that way. 

Whether anyone knew it or not, Jessica had all the compney she needed. She had Dolly, true, but Dolly was just a toy. Dolly was nothing like Miael. 

Sure no one else could see M or hear him. Sure sometimes he could be malicious, but he had yet to steer her wrong or lie to her - something she couldn't say for the rest of the Bell clan. 

So, on one hot Ozark night, when one of Miael's games leads to murder, it's only natural that Jessica should follow Miael's council. Only natural that she should feel no guilt or remorse. Only natural that they should kill again. (taken from Amazon description) Enter here!!!

In Tehran, while hiding out from the Iranian secret police, CIA officer, Titus Ray, finds shelter with a group of Iranian Christians. Compelled by their unwavering faith, the battle-hardened agent becomes a believer shortly before they smuggle him out of Iran to freedom in Turkey.

Returning to the States, he discovers his Iranian mission failed because of political infighting within the Agency. After delivering a scathing indictment against the Deputy Director of Operations, he’s forced to take a year’s medical leave in Oklahoma.

Before leaving Langley, however, he discovers a Hezbollah hit man has targeted him for assassination. Now, while trying to figure out what it means to be a follower of Christ, he must decide if the Iranian couple he meets in Oklahoma has ties to the man who's trying to kill him, and if Nikki Saxon, a beautiful local detective, can be trusted with his secrets. (taken from Amazon description)  Enter here !!!

This second edition of "How Do Private Eyes Do That?" is a compilation of new and updated articles written by a real-life PI. Although some topics are specific to legalities in the United States, other topics are useful worldwide, such as the history of PIs; an investigator's equipment and online techniques; conducting surveillances; how PIs work with cold crime scenes; case studies; writing tips for crafting plausible private eye characters and stories; glossary of PI terms; and lists of PI blogs, websites, training courses, and online magazines. 

Audiences: Private investigators, mystery writers, armchair detectives, fans of the private-eye genre, and those curious about the real world of private eyes. (taken from Amazon description)  Enter here !!

Sands of Time by Christine Church

Egyptian alien vampires.  It's a thing.  I Googled it.

Once you get past that, this was actually a really intriguing novella.

It's formatted in an interesting way.  Supposed ancient texts were found and are in the process of being translated.  These novellas are the translations.  This part of the book was incredibly well done.  We have an introduction explaining the founding and translations of the texts.  I had to take a minute and go to the back of the book to find out if this was something that really happened and just had fictionalized texts, or if this part was fiction too.  I'm not telling what I found out.  The point is, it was written well enough that I wasn't really sure.  It's believable.

The main character in the book is Kesi, who is an Egyptian alien vampire.  I'm still working on getting past that part.  This first novella is her story, spanning centuries.  It's a story of heartbreak and fear, a struggle with who she is and an ever-changing world.  Church did an amazing job of getting inside Kesi's head and letting us both see and feel what she did.

Vampires normally run one of two ways.  Either they're horrific, bloodsucking fiends (Kozeniewski) or they're romanticized twits (*shiver*  Twilight).  Here, Church has taken a different approach.  They begin as pacifists who just want to be happy.  Live forever and let live for awhile.  Though it wasn't the typical vampire that I really enjoy, I didn't really hate them.  If only they'd been made hippies!  Then I could really add them to the like list!

The second book in the series, The Early Scrolls, was just released this month.  I haven't read it, but I'm actually going to add it to my 'to read' list.  Even though I'm still having trouble wrapping my mind around Egyptian alien vampires (somebody should make a tongue twister out of that), Church's compelling storytelling ability as well as the connection I built with Kesi in the first book is enough to make me desire it.

Edgar Allen Poe is haunting me...

I walked outside to take a break.  Grass feels amazingly cool and smooth on bare feet.  Plus I'm an evil smoker.  As I step outside, I notice that my lawn is littered with huge black birds.  It's like somebody remade The Birds and left all of their props laying around.  Except...they're alive.  And as I walk onto the grass, they all swivel their heads to stare at me.  I look into their round, beady eyes and I know what they're thinking.  'Oooh!  I bet she's tasty!'  Well...darn right I am!  But I'm not worried!  I know they won't eat me because I'm stringy and birds don't like stringy!  Yeah...they eat worms..that's not the point.  In my brain, birds only eat rice.  Cooked rice.  Because I'm only semi-evil.    The birds are still outside in the yard.  I am not.  Because I'm not stupid.  Just in case birds really do like stringy.

Sir Edgar Allen Poe:  Whatever action I have committed that has caused me to incur your wrath, I apologize with all my heart!  I hereby vow to not write a review with a harsh word for 24 hours as penance!


*Note:  No reviews will be posted for the next 24 hours.